CONFESSIONS OF A LIBERTARIAN POLYGAMIST: Anonymous

...To see supposed libertarians saying that polygamy is bad and, well, just too much freedom, is disappointing. Watching all the news over that Fresno guy is sickening, because that's all people see, that's all they think of, when they think of polygamy. It isn't all like that. Not even close.

I know because I'm part of a polygamous family. Actually, because none of us is married in the legal sense (no church or state papers, just our own personal ceremonies), we use the term polyamory, which means "many loves." My family is a triad, one woman and two men. None of us is gay, so its really more like she has two husbands, but we're all very good friends. We also have some kids. (Yes, we all know which man is the dad of which kid.)

Our family looks a lot like any family you'd like to have as your neighbors. We're quiet, decent people, and we mind our own business. We don't party, our kids are all well behaved, and even if you tried, you wouldn't catch either of us so much as holding our wife's hand outside. ...The only difference between our family and others is that we have an "Uncle Steve" that lives with us.

Yes, one of us pretends to be our wife's brother so that we can all live together and be left alone. Some of the kids pretend that their dad is really "Uncle Steve" when they're out in public. This isn't all that important because we all raise the children equally, and treat them all like they are our own kids. Because they are--all of us are one family. ...

Second, how many of you have heard of April Divilbiss? She was on an MTV show in 1998 talking about her poly family (like ours, but with less kids--you can see a report), and after it, her daughter's grandmother got the government involved. She ended up losing her daughter permanently. April's situation wasn't the best, but the daughter wasn't being hurt and the state decided to take her away anyway.

That's why I'm not putting my name on this article. If my family was identified, the state could steal our kids and force our family to breakup just because some people think what we're doing is wrong. They do it to "normal" families for less reasons everyday. Even some libertarians like Young and Boaz apparently think it's okay for the state to do that to families like mine. We'd like to be more public about our life but our family is way more important than being a good example.

Third, it's nobody else's business. Our marriage was chosen by each of us because it's the relationship that works for us. We've been together for over ten years because we keep choosing to be together. In a lot of ways we're just like any family, except that ours has one more dad. So our kids get more time and attention from grownups that love them. We're a lot better off financially, because of the extra adult that gives us all more time for stuff we need or want to do. Who has the right to tell us that what we're doing is sick, or less moral than some of the crap we see nonpoly kids go through, with divorce, after divorce, after divorce?

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posted by Eve at 12:47 PM VOTE

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