SAME-SEX PARENTING AND STUDIES: David Benkof

A friend from college who is gay recently wrote me, incensed that on the "Ricki Lake Show" I opposed SSM in part because of my belief that opposite-sex relationships provide the ideal environment for the raising of children. I was misinformed, he wrote, and clearly unaware of the research on the subject. He cited two studies: The 2002 Anderssen et. al. summary of studies comprising 615 children of lesbian mothers or gay fathers as compared to 387 children of heterosexual parents showing little difference on a number of measures; and the 1980s Steckel studies of heterosexual vs. lesbian couples showing high similarities in all but a few areas, including children of heterosexual parents being perceived as "more bossy and domineering."

My response to the Anderssen study was as follows:

"My concern is not with the sexual orientation of parents, but with the make-up of the families. Indeed, I'm [bisexual] myself and I plan to be a darned good father some day! But I'll only make a baby with a wife, because I think it's wrong to decide that a child won't get a mom because I put my wants before my child's needs. Too many kids don't get moms because of tragedies; I shouldn't add to those numbers.The studies you reference are about the sexual orientation of the parents -- not whether the kids get both a mother and a father.... Anderssen et. al. had adoption data for only about 70 percent of the included children, but of the cases where adoption data was available, only eight kids (2 percent) had been adopted. Anderssen, et. al. don't report which of the remaining 98 percent were turkey-baster babies versus which resulted from previous marriages. But I think it's reasonable to assume that a good number fit into each category -- which completly invalidates Anderssen's validity vis a vis the effect of family structure on children because many, many of the children they studied *do* have both a mother and a father."

And my response to the Steckel studies:

"It sounds like some of the differences in female-female as opposed to male-female parenting structures involve a lack of some characteristics typically associated with men (is it possible "bossy and domineering" is a man-hater's way of saying assertive and ambitious?) The point is we learn how to be men, how to be women, how to relate to men, how to relate to women, etc. from our mothers and our fathers. Yes, some people don't get one of each. But society has a strong interest in making sure as many children as possible do have one of each."

But I went further than responding to the two specific studies. I gave my friend the following challenge:

"However, my stance wouldn't change even if 100 studies showed no differences in children of every family structure--because my beliefs are informed by a traditional Jewish worldview and its attitudes toward families and childrearing. But I want to ask you--would your stance change if 100 studies showed harmful effects in children raised without both a mother and a father?"

I don't think it would, which makes me wonder every time pro-same-sex-parenting people rave about various studies. At bottom, this debate is a clash of worldviews more than it is a clash of research.
posted by Eve at 2:40 PM VOTE

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