LEARNING ABOUT FATHERHOOD ON THE HIGH SEAS WITH ROSIE: Peter Marchese

As a gay man living in a one-bedroom apartment in New York, the thought of becoming a dad daunted me. Let's face it, few strollers are paraded down Chelsea's Eighth Avenue, and most of the neighborhood is more interested in raising eyebrows than raising kids. But after my partner David and I swapped our downtown digs for a spacious brownstone in Harlem, we decided to pursue parenting.

We launched our foray into the world of parenthood by boarding the first gay and lesbian family-friendly cruise. We hoped the trip, organized by R Family Vacations and headlined in the media by Rosie O'Donnell, would be the ideal opportunity to learn about our options and to immerse ourselves in a community living the real deal. ...

But unlike on other gay cruises, a number of informational workshops, roundtable discussions and panels germane to gay and lesbian families were held, such as "Being a Dad in Mom's World" and "Gay Parenting."

As potential parents, we concentrated on talks given by a surrogacy specialist, a domestic-adoption lawyer, an in-vitro fertilization doctor, gay dads and teens of gay and lesbian parents. These panels provided insight into a few of the parenting options available for gays and lesbians, but fell short on others, such as foreign adoption and foster parenting.

Still, we walked away from the seminars with enough powerful information to feel comfortable discussing the pros and cons of certain family-creation options and a stronger parenting vocabulary.

But what gave us the most inspiration to proceed down the path of parenting was the magnificent behavior of the kids on the ship and their interaction with their moms or dads. Before the cruise, I was apprehensive that somehow children of gay or lesbian parents were bitter and disgruntled by their situation. However, the kids I talked to had an unbelievable amount of confidence. They were open-minded, proud of their families, polite and spoke with such candor about where they came from that it gave me chills. They didn't have any issues with it -- so why should anyone else? In my opinion, their happiness is a credit to the warmth, love and patience demonstrated by their parents.

By the end of the trip, David and I were leaning toward some form of adoption rather than the more expensive and emotionally difficult process of surrogacy. Neither of us was adamant about having a biological child, nor against having a multiracial family. In fact, many of the families on board the ship were the result of a transracial adoption, and after watching them smile, laugh and play together, our ember of desire to become parents of virtually any child combusted.

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posted by Eve at 11:03 PM VOTE

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