NO PRESSURE: Eve

Thinking about that Robert Bernstein quote (below)--he notes the lack of pressure on gay couples to raise children. I'd be interested to hear from supporters of same-sex marriage on whether or not that should change. Should we expect gay couples to raise children, "give your mother grandchildren," etc? My married friends, before they do in fact have kids, get tons of joking or nosy or casual statements implying that they should "start their family," get going on the childbearing. Kids are considered just part of the package deal of marriage. There are at present no similar norms for gay marriage. Should there be?

(For my own part, I think there are big problems in answering either "yes" or "no." If yes, the expectation that gay married couples will/should raise children would further "mainstream" the problematic reproductive technologies that Elizabeth Marquardt has been all over, where at least one player in the family drama [the biological mother or father] is intentionally kept out of the marriage, and further chip away at the idea that children need a mom and dad. If no, then we've created a class of marriages where we're neutral at best on whether they should raise kids, rather than encouraging it, when part of the point of marriage is that society expects and encourages married couples to bear and rear the next generation; we'd also be contributing to the idea that everyone makes individually-tailored rules for marriage, there are no expectations or social norms that should be conformed to, and I would expect that attitude to spill over into other areas, e.g. sexual fidelity. But I'm just laying out my stance b/c it isn't fair to be coy while asking for others to put their opinions out there--what I really want is to hear from you all, especially from those who support gay marriage.)
posted by Eve at 10:27 AM VOTE

1 Comments:

At 10/31/2005 6:53 PM,  Jesurgislac said...

My married friends, before they do in fact have kids, get tons of joking or nosy or casual statements implying that they should "start their family," get going on the childbearing.

My views on this were ineradicably formed by my grandmother. She informed me once - after a guest who had speculated out loud about why a married couple didn't have children had left - that I should never, ever, make any comment or ever question anyone about why they didn't have children, because you didn't know why, and there could be many reasons that they wouldn't want to talk about or want to have talked about. It was rude and hurtful, and I was never to do it.

I never have: partly because I loved my grandmother and wouldn't have wanted her to be disappointed in me, and mostly because, when I thought about it, she was right.

 

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