WHO'S THE REAL PARENT?: Sara Orozco

..."Are they twins?" yells the woman closest to us. I give a friendly nod as to not encourage more conversation.

"Are you the mother?" Asks the other woman sitting next to her. I give another friendly nod but I notice that my wife is also nodding. "Nice of you to join me," I whisper to my wife and then say, "I'll handle it this time."

I watch them talk among themselves trying to figure out how we could actually both be the moms.

"I thought you said they were twins?" Asks one of the men in the group. This is where my wife and I disagree about what happened next in this story. I remember that everyone at the beach, even those walking along the nearby pier, stopped everything at that moment to look over and listen to our response. My wife thinks I exaggerate.

"They are twins and we are both their moms." My wife says matter of factly. I smile back at them.

"How can that be?" Asks one of the women in their group.

"Oh," I say," "She had them (pointing at my wife) and I adopted them." ...

As a psychologist, I often hear from gay and lesbian parents their varied reactions and responses to the "Who is the real parent" question (apparently a very common question asked of GLBT parents). I have found that this question sometimes evokes in the non-biological or non-adoptive parent a two-fold emotional response: the fear that the other parent will somehow have the strongest bond with the child, or that the child will show preferences for the biological/adoptive parent, and the fear that others in society will somehow not view and recognize them as a "true" parent. I encourage the biological or adoptive parent to empathize with the non-biological or non-adoptive parent and to openly discuss feelings of envy, jealousy, rejection or loss that may come up in different situations. Both parents should be aware that an infant or child may show a preference for one parent, and a rejecting behavior towards the other at various stages of normal development. When preferences by the child are shown, they alternate and shift over time. It's not easy at times to deal with the "who is the real parent" question but know that as a GLBT parent, you are not alone.

more
posted by Eve at 3:26 PM VOTE

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home