PLANNING MY WEDDING AND SEARCHING MY SOUL: Kristin Glenn

..."Well," Father laughs, "we have a lot of work to do. You two have very little agreement in all of the categories." More than 50% of our FOCCUS tests contained red flags--areas that either need to be resolved or accepted.

I tense up, and I immediately think: Maybe Michael and I have been on our own--calling our own shots--for too long? There are so many differences between us. We have issues in every category: religion, sex, extended family, finances, children....

My problem is that I'm a bundle of fears. Sometimes they're so bad I can't think or see straight. I feel caught between two opposing nightmare scenarios: an unhappy marriage, or living a barren life alone (after all, Sophie will leave me someday). This creates an unsettling dichotomy within me. Part of me is happily ordering invitations, calling caterers, and picking out bridal attire; the other half is analyzing all of the potential pitfalls of my relationship with Michael, and contemplating the haunting advice of my well-meaning mother: "Don't get married. Marriage is hell." ...

Incidentally, the FOCCUS test was very accurate. Everything that was highlighted as a problem has not been magically erased by our wedding vows. What has changed is my attitude.

The permanent commitment that I vowed to make acts as a reminder each time things don't go my way. Before opening my mouth--often with great effort--I ask myself, "Is this pile of his dirty clothes (which he refuses to let me touch) festering in our closet worth an argument?" Most of the time it's not.

Soon there will be a new member of the family. Knowing that this baby growing inside me is ours has only strengthened the marital bond for Michael and me. I've found that marriage is definitely not hell--it's a lesson in joy, love and self-sacrifice.

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posted by Eve at 3:01 PM VOTE

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